at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
