So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
