I am spending my child support on dildos
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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