he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize