I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
