Duck Duck Cougar?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
