Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm at about main and main street
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Randomize
