Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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