just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
