bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
