I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
