I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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