All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
