This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
