we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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