piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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