the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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