So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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