clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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