I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
MIDGETS
????
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
