is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just forgot I was standing up.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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