He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
