I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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