Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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