told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
