I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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