maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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