He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
