My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
