my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
