I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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