Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
