I could have mohawked her pubes.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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