I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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