i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
