Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
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Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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