so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
