I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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