But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
