My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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