Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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