Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
