Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
being pregnant is like rehab
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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