Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
