we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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