it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
