that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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