I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
