Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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