So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
