The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
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Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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