no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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