He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
