you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
