i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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