Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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