I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Houston, we have a squirter
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
