Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
