In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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