Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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