Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
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Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
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He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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