The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
