I wish I could teleport
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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