Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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