No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
