The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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