Say something about gay babies.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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